Anyone who knows me knows that my husband and I are big Disney nuts. I was speaking with someone a few weeks ago about why we enjoy Disney so much. I know that they're widely recognized as a gender biased, money making corporation, but when I really think about it, I realize it has quite a lot to do with having Endometriosis. Living with a chronic illness can be a never-ending stream of disappointments and reminders of our bodies' limitations. Over time, this really takes a toll on our self-esteem and general moral. 

There's something about Disney, though, that makes all of this just a little bit easier to deal with. For many of us, Disney movies played a huge role in our childhood. Disney was often the source of our favorite movies, the songs we loved to sing, and the characters we emulated, for better or worse. Disney, with all its flaws, offers us the chance at escapism. When it first premiered in 1937, people loved Snow White because it offered them an escape from the dreary drudgery of reality, 83 minutes of bright colors, cheerful music, and slapstick comedy. 

That escapism, I believe, is what drives my love for Disney. When I'm having a horrible pain day, all I want to do is burrow under the covers where no one can hear me scream, hold my heating pad tight, and have a Disney movie marathon. When I miscarried last year, I regularly belted "Let It Go" at the top of my lungs while driving home from work. I'm sure the other motorists who may have taken a quick glance my way thought I was some kind of weirdo, but it was honestly the cathartic release I really needed.

My husband and I go to Disney World once a year, even if it's just a short weekend trip, because at our Home Away from Home, we can forget our troubles and just be kids again. While some people might think that stage performances, parades, and fireworks extravaganzas centered around the belief that "Dreams come true!" might be too sugary sweet and out of touch with reality, that's exactly why we love it! Day in and day out, my dreams do NOT come true. Living with chronic pain is debilitating and downright soul crushing. It feels like bad news is always just around the corner. I've come to expect the worst because, for me, it usually happens! 

That's a pretty bleak outlook on life. It's the reason so many people who live with chronic pain have debilitating depression. And it's no way to live. 

For us, visiting Disney World is a place to regroup and chase our cares away. It's where "Have a magical day!" is the standard way of saying goodbye. It may not seem like much, but it makes a big difference to focus on the magic, as orchestrated and scripted as it might be. It's a place that reminds us what it felt like to be five years old, where the only things we had to worry about was how to weasel our way to a second piece of cake, and which Lisa Frank coloring book to use next. It's a little taste of that euphoric sense of hope that only comes from believing in Santa Claus and just knowing, deep down in your bones, that everything is going to be ok. 

So go ahead, laugh a little bit the next time you hear I'm planning my next Disney trip, or when you find out just how many times I've watched Frozen (it's probably into the triple digits by now). I'll send you a post card. ;)

Living with Endometriosis, or any chronic illness, can be relentless. When it feels like things won't change no matter what you do, it becomes difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We get so mired down with another day of pain, another complication, another disappointment, and well...it's enough to send anyone back under the covers for a week. 

This year, I've had three surgeries in six months...I keep repeating that to myself in my head. Eight weeks of missed work, cancelled lunches with friends and family, yet another event to add to the medical history. I recently went to the ER because of post operative chest pain (I was fine), and explaining my medical history felt like recounting the last season of Game of Thrones. "Man, you've been through the ringer!" 

Tell me about it. 

When I list out everything that has happened since my first surgery in 2012, I get a little overwhelmed. Have I really been through that much? A surgery, a round of Lupron, bone density loss, hair loss, starting trying to get pregnant, a round of Clomid, a ruptured endometrioma, taking medical leave from graduate school, an excision surgery, a miscarriage, going back to school, another two endometriomas, a blocked ureter and resulting cystoscopy, another excision (with surprise bowel resection), a cholecystectomy...

It's enough to keep anyone up at night. Is this real life? Is this reality? Someone wake me up. 

But no...I'm already awake. Over the past week, I've struggled with insomnia. As often happens during my recoveries, my sleep schedule became very skewed. At the worst, I went to bed at 7am and slept until 4pm. I felt like I was becoming an owl. The inactivity and inability to enjoy the things that usually keep me busy (working as a nanny, sewing in my free time, getting out and about to run errands and spend time with my husband) was driving me batty. But I realized what I needed. 

I needed to recharge. I needed to remind myself that the past does not define who I am. It doesn't matter how many tough things that happen in life...tomorrow is a new day. Yeah, a lot has happened in the past two years. Yes, it IS a lot to deal with, and I depend on my support systems to help me get through it. I do get really down sometimes. That doesn't mean that it will be like this forever. My life is wonderful, despite my chronic illness. Those days were tough, and I'm still recovering from my surgery. Heck, I'm still struggling with adenomyosis, infertility, and pelvic floor dysfunction, but I also have an amazing, supportive husband, a job that makes me happy, hobbies that give me a sense of accomplishment, and a whole lot of people who support me. 

So when I was still awake at 3am on Sunday morning, I embraced it. My husband and I jumped in the car, drove 2.5 hours to the Kancamagus Highway, and did something we love to do together: have an adventure! 

I reconnected with my husband by getting out and enjoying a beautiful sunrise and fall foliage. For the day, I forgot about my problems (even though I still needed a pain pill for mind numbing cramps). They didn't go away, but the next time I'm stuck in bed, stewing on whatever happened again, I have these amazing photos to remember that my life is amazing. Challenging, yes...but I am blessed. Because I'm living with a chronic illness, I know I'm going to have tough days. However, I try to remember that tomorrow is a new day...the sun will still rise, and I will have another day to keep looking for ways to relieve the pain and enjoy myself.  

And I encourage you to as well. Do something today that makes you happy. Take some pictures, document it, and when things get overwhelming, look back through your photos and remember...

Today was tough, but each morning the sun rises bringing the hope of a new day.